WHEN SOMEONE DOESN’T LIKE YOU

When someone doesn’t like you, is it about you, or them?

The answer is “them”.

At auditions, many actors worry whether or not the casting people will like them. They are concerned whether the casting people will be impressed with their abilities. While it is a good thing to WANT people to like you, these actors NEED people to like them. If they leave an audition feeling unliked, or if they don’t get a callback, it affects how they feel about themselves. It affects how they feel about their talent. They think, “It’s true, I’m no good.”

Wouldn’t you rather go to an audition simply to have a good time getting to play a scene? Don’t you think you’d do a better job if that were your only interest?

You can achieve a mind space where you do not take another person’s judgment of you, or your talent, personally. You just have to wrap your head around the following concept:

“What we like and don’t like is a very personal and individual impulse.”

Let me explain it using “romance” as an example.

Have you had a friend point someone out as “hot”, only to have you reply, “Not my type”. Does the fact that you are not attracted to the person, make that person less attractive?

Everyone has their type. Some people are only attracted to tall girls, while others like them shorter. Some people only like thin guys, while others like them muscle-bound.

So now you see that it’s foolish to need to be desired by everyone. It is simply impossible.

Now let’s talk about getting what you want. Concerning “romance”, why is it that so many people have difficulties meeting people whom they desire? Why do they freeze up at the thought of introducing themselves? The answer is that they are afraid of rejection. They have an internal belief that they are unworthy of love, and therefore, are terrified that someone will confirm it by saying “Get away from me, you are ugly.”

How could you ever go up and meet a guy/girl you are attracted to if their response told you whether or not you were worthy of love? You couldn’t (and many people don’t). You would be frozen with fear.

And so it is with acting jobs.

When someone does not cast you in a project, it is not about you. It is about what that person is looking for, and attracted to.

Casting people say there are many “right” people for a job, it’s up to the whims of the producer.

Every great actress in Hollywood auditioned for Glenn Close’s role in FATAL ATTRACTION, but she got it. Does that mean the other actresses didn’t do a good job? I’m sure they did. And so it is with every project. Every actor can shine in the audition, and the one who is meant to get it, will.

A commercial casting director told me this story: The casting director found a terrific blonde actress for a role in a commercial she was casting. She was perfect for it, and everyone agreed. However, when an agency writes a commercial for a company, they will usually also draw storyboards, or pictures of how the commercial will look. Well, the storyboard artist drew the woman in the commercial with red hair. This was, of course, before they had auditioned anyone. But the people from the company got used to the idea of the character having red hair, and so the blonde actress didn’t get the part.

As with dating, you mustn’t walk into an audition room unsure of whether you are worthy of being liked. If you are looking for validation that you deserve to be acting, you are setting yourself up to be hurt.

When you don’t get a role, it is just as easy to figure that the producer’s cousin got it, then it is to imagine that you were awful in the audition. And which one is going to make you feel better inside?

At this point, some of you may be thinking “But if I had done better, then they would’ve liked me.” This is your ego talking. Your vulture. That kind of thought does not come from love. If you’d like, you could convince yourself that it is your fault when people don’t like you. But does that help your life? Does that make life easier to live? No. It leads to unhappiness. So why go down that road.

Remember, while you debate with the vulture, there is a higher “you” looking down from above, and watching the argument. Your true self shares a wink with your higher self. They both know that there are different ways to look at the situation, but if you choose the “loving” version, you will be happier.

Imagine it this way. You are at an ice cream shop with your friends. There are 25 delicious flavors of ice cream, to pick from. You all pick different flavors. One of your friends has picked mint. Ugh, you hate mint! Well, your friend doesn’t, he really likes mint. In all this mint hasn’t changed. It remains uniquely itself, unconcerned with who chooses to eat it.